Gadget-Quest

My Mom. Irene Marie, was a woman who loved her family, loved cooking and loved kitchen gadgets. She passed her DNA on to me and my daughter Jennifer, and my granddaughters, Mia and Lina, and I can prove it.

In the 50s and 60s, there were things you could order by mail. Let’s just say, Kellogg’s of Battle Creek. I had those little frog men with the baking soda you put in the feet that made them swim. Sometimes they worked, and sometimes they did not. You had to mail away for them with box tops. That was the primitive beginning. Then came telephone ordering and, finally, internet.

I remember my Mom ordered a Ronco Salad Shooter – this thing sliced and diced carrots, cucumbers, you name it, and literally shot them into a salad bowl. One after another, no waiting, no muss, no fuss. Quick and easy. The whole family sitting around the dinner table, enjoying a big salad together. The only problem was, it was cheap plastic, it clogged, jammed and gummed up like nobodys business and was a complete waste of money and worst of all, made my Mom cry with frustration. I remember Mom flinging it into the trash with a few choice words. And my Mom almost never uttered a cross word.

I have also, over the course of my life, ordered and bought a few ‘must have’ kitchen gadgets and some exercise equipment made for suckers like me. Some have worked out nicely, some have been a bust.

Here are a few of the things I was sure would make my life better – an apple corer and slicer, the Ove Glove so I could handle red hot pans or plunge my hands into boiling water, no problem (what was I thinking?), and the strawberry de-stemmer, so small and tedious it is not worth the effort. I bet you have one of these, too - the exercise ball from TJ Maxx that sat in my closet and took up space until I deflated it and threw it out after a year, the Pilates machine from QVC, the Ped-o-meter from EMS that even they did not know how to use, the blood pressure monitor that declared me dead, and the Pilates rubber bands that seemed like such a sure thing.


And here a some my daughter Jen has fallen victim to – the Pancake puffer “add some pizzazz to every meal!’ (this one even Mia and Lina thought a sure winner – inject the pancake balls full of jam and goodies, except in reality, no one would eat them), the Jesus-face branding iron for toast ( I am not making this up), the onion peeling goggles (these seem to work – they really do reduce the tears, Jen says), the snowman kit ( in retrospect, this was probably not a necessity), the mini shredder for lemon zest and garlic, etc, the café frother and the aero latte. I, too, fell victim to these and have used them one time only.


How about the French fry cutter, the clay garlic baker, the butter keeper, the voice recorder for easy grocery shopping. Bread, milk, eggs. Except that unless you stop it after each word, you are in the same spot of forgetfulness as before. Better to use a written list! Trust me on this one.

I’m sure we all have our list of useless gadgets we have fallen victim to. We are seduced by the idea of a better life, more family time, a warmer and richer life experience. , I guess it does not matter except for a few wasted dollars, and that it endears us to our families, and they to us, for trying to make our lives better and more fun. In the end, we are really all good enough just as we are. No improvements necessary and no money back guarantees. : -)